


You Make Me Feel Alive

by LibbyWeasley



Series: Just Friends [11]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Oblivious Nerds, PWP, Season 1, but they are in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21985549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibbyWeasley/pseuds/LibbyWeasley
Summary: After a conversation with Skye, Jemma starts to think Fitz might be in love with her. But it takes almost losing each other for them to take the next step in their relationship.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Series: Just Friends [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1193152
Comments: 50
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunalso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunalso/gifts).



> A very happy birthday to @sunalsolove! Hope it’s a great one! You deserve all kinds of wonderful things! 
> 
> Thanks to @blancasplayground for all the help with the words (at the last minute, over the holiday). I don’t know what I’d do without you ❤️

“Simmons…what the hell was that?”

Jemma looked around, wide-eyed, trying to remember what she was supposed to be doing while simultaneously trying to figure out what Skye could possibly be accusing her of. It only took her a second to realize she should be focusing on the sample analysis in front of her...and that she had been, instead, staring at Fitz’s bum as he left the lab. So that must have been what Skye was sounding so scandalized about. 

“Oh, nothing. Just a bit distracted is all.”

The snort from beside her was enough to inform Jemma that Skye was not satisfied with that answer. Not that she’d thought she would be. 

“I’m sure you are. Fitz is very...distracting.”

Jemma turned to face her friend, and the surprise she felt must have been evident. 

“Not to me! He’s distracting to you.” Skye just looked at her, eyebrows raised, and Jemma knew she was looking for more information. But she honestly didn’t know what to say. Then, Skye added casually, “How long have you been sleeping with him?”

“Skye!”

“Jemma!” Skye shot back. As far as comebacks went, it wasn’t exactly impressive, but it was enough for Jemma to try to shush her, stepping closer so there was no threat of being overheard. 

It had been such a very long time since she had a close friend who wasn’t Fitz, so there’d never been someone she could discuss her very confusing feelings for him with. Even though they hadn’t been friends long, it felt like Skye was the kind of friend she could confide in. Plus, Skye understood complicated feelings towards men. Look at her and Miles. 

“It isn’t what you think —“

“I know he spent the night in your bunk—“

“Yes, but —“

“And I know you have feelings for him —“

“Yes, but —“

“Jemmmma!”

“Fine!” she hissed. “He spent the night, but nothing happened.”

Skye rolled her eyes and waited patiently. The silence was too much and Jemma opened her mouth to let the whole story come tumbling out. She told her how they had ended up together that first time and how it had been so different from how she had thought it would be. She told her how that one time had turned into all the time and how eventually she had realized just what Fitz meant to her. Skye stayed silent until she finished, shades of disbelief flickering over her face.

“So...let me get this straight. Fitz was your first?” She looked at Jemma for confirmation. “And now you think you’re in love with him?”

Jemma nodded miserably.

“Then what’s the problem?” A wide smile appeared on Skye’s face and Jemma had to make an effort not to roll her eyes.

“The problem is that Fitz has never seen me as anything other than a friend.”

“A friend that he has crazy good sex with? I’ve never had a friend like that.”

“Sex isn’t the same thing as love.”

“I know that.” Skye looked thoughtful before asking, “So how many other _friends_ has Fitz had sex with in the time you definitely haven’t been dating?”

The sarcasm was coming off of Skye in waves, but Jemma decided to answer honestly. “None.”

“You answered that awfully quickly. Seems like an important detail.”

“Of course it’s important. If he’d been with someone else we’d need to use a condom.” Skye gave her a pointed look, so she hurried on, “But that doesn’t mean anything. We’ve both dated other people. I’ve even encouraged him to date...and he did. More than once.”

“Mmm-hmm. And how many other people have you slept with.”

“None.”

“I rest my case.”

Jemma narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think you’ve proven anything here.”

“Look.” Skye put a hand on her shoulder. “The reason you’ve been sleeping together and not with anyone else is because you are together. As in, a couple. As in, you’re in love with him and he’s in love with you.”

“Do you think so?” Jemma tried not to sound so hopeful, but she was desperate for a little confirmation of her theory. Once she had realized her own feelings she had started looking for evidence of Fitz’s...and sometimes she thought she saw something in his expression that pointed to feelings beyond friendship. Of course the only person who could completely validate the idea of Fitz being in love with her was Fitz himself, but she was only willing to ask him as a last resort. She wasn’t willing to risk losing him if she wasn’t completely sure. 

“Jemma...you are being purposefully obtuse about this. I haven’t known the two of you for very long, but I’m certain you aren’t just friends.”

* * *

The day had been hard, harder than any other since they went into the field. Somehow the idea that Fitz might be the one who wouldn’t make it back was much harder for her to accept than if it had been her. In many ways, deciding to jump from the plane in order to give him a fighting chance had been much easier than to be the one sitting at home waiting for him to return — or convincing May to pick him up, rather. She would do anything if it meant she could save him. 

Jemma hesitated before knocking on the door to Fitz’s hotel room. One of the benefits of their successful mission and extraction had been Coulson giving them the night off and springing for hotel rooms on SHIELD’s dime. There was nothing quite like a real shower with actual water pressure. It was one of the things she had taken for granted before going into the field. But not anymore. The only thing that would have made it better was if Fitz had been there with her. But that wasn’t something she could just ask him for. Their relationship had always had rules. That was what kept things so effortless between them. 

There had been so many opportunities in these past few weeks to tell him how she felt. Times when it had felt like maybe they didn’t have any time left. But something held her back each time. It hadn’t felt fair to burden him with that knowledge if one of them might not make it. She didn’t want him to feel guilty if he didn’t share her feelings, or to wonder about the life they might have had if it turned out her feelings were reciprocated.

But she did make him his favorite sandwich, which he must know meant something — a way to show him she cared about him at the very least.

The door opened and he looked at her a little uncertainly before opening the door all the way. He probably wondered what she was doing there in her pajamas. There was a time when it had been a perfectly normal occurrence, but not since they’d gone into the field. There hadn’t been enough privacy. But then his face relaxed. “Come on in.”

Jemma pasted a smile on her face and slipped into the room, drinking in the sight of him. He had obviously also taken the time to shower and change, his hair still a little damp. The thought that she might not have had the chance to see him like this again froze her heart a little bit. She had come here to talk, but now she wasn’t sure what to say. What _could_ she say when she just needed to be near him more than anything else?

“Jemma —“

She moved towards him, but he moved faster, wrapping one arm around her waist and bringing his other hand to her cheek. His lips met hers and she clung to him like she had wanted to do as soon as he returned from the mission. Keeping up the inane chatter while the rest of the team had been around had been a monumental task when all she had wanted was to be close to him. But she had him now and she pushed all that fear and love and relief into the kiss. 

He pulled her closer and she opened her mouth to his tongue licking across her lips, threading her fingers through his hair. He was solid and real beneath her hands. Turning her head to better slot their mouths together and deepen the kiss, she let the hand not tangled in his hair smooth across his shoulder and around his back. His muscles twitched under her fingers and fire tingled along every nerve as his hand squeezed her arse and brought her flush against him, his erection hard between them.

She pulled back, panting, needing to say something before they both got swept away again. 

“Fitz, I —“

His lips followed hers and she found herself captured in another kiss, all logical thought chased away by his passion. She lost herself in the kiss, consumed by need and something that was just Fitz — both familiar and endlessly exciting. She pulled him back towards the bed and they separated briefly as they tumbled onto the white sheets, Fitz landing on his back beneath her.

“Need you,” he breathed, smiling up at her with lidded eyes. She would never get tired of the desire she saw there. He might not love her the way that she loved him, but she didn’t doubt that he cared about her and she was very secure in the knowledge that he wanted her. 

He encouraged her to grind down against him, and a flush covered her body. They weren’t even offering excuses for what they were doing. This wasn’t to clear her mind or to help her focus on her work. This was just because she needed him and he needed her. Because she needed him to help her feel alive again after the sheer terror she’d felt earlier.

His hands circled her hips and settled her more firmly against him. She rocked against him, her eyelids falling shut as heat shot through her.

“Jemma…” She reached down to tug off her shirt, revealing bare skin that she knew would drive Fitz mad. She wasn’t disappointed by his reaction. “Jemma, you’re beautiful.”

Fitz was always very considerate in bed, but even knowing that, his words sent a little thrill through her. It felt like Fitz could see and appreciate all of her — mind, body, and soul. She didn’t mind being laid bare before him when he looked at her like that. 

His hands skimmed up her sides before those clever fingers found her nipples. Electricity shot straight down to her clit and she moaned his name.

The smug smile on his face at her reaction made her laugh, joy bubbling up through her. 

“We should...should…”

Fitz fingers moved over her again and she reflexively shifted her hips, causing both of them to moan this time. He sat up, making her lose her balance and he held her in his arms as he rolled them both over. His lips trailed down her neck and she squirmed, but his body held her firmly in place. Fitz’s lips found her nipple and her back arched involuntarily as his tongue made lazy circles on her sensitive peaks. The fingers of one hand skimmed over her other breast and it was difficult to remember to breathe.

So much...and not nearly enough. She wanted more. Needed more. 

She tugged up the hem of his shirt until he paused in his ministrations to take it off. When he returned to his previous task, she let her hands stroke down his back until she became impatient again and pushed at the waistband of his pajama pants.

He was being infinitely gentle, like she might break if he handled her too roughly. Sensing her desire he returned his lips to hers and she wrapped her legs around him as they kissed — slowly and thoroughly — as if it was the first time. Or maybe the last. His hand slid into her hair, cradling her head and she tugged his curls and nipped at his bottom lip. Right now all she wanted was for him to fuck her into the mattress until she couldn’t remember anything except the feel of his body and the way he felt inside her. She didn’t want to think about how lucky they were to be alive, she didn’t want to think about her feelings and what it might mean... or his feelings. 

As she rocked her hips against him he moaned into her mouth. This time when she tugged at his clothes he shifted his weight off of her so they could both take off the rest of their pajamas, leaving nothing between them. 

When he settled over her again, warm skin against her, and his cock pressed directly into her wet folds, she finally felt at home. She wanted to be wherever Fitz was. Wherever they could be together like this. She tilted her hips, angling her body so he could be inside her. 

“Wait, Jemma.” His breath was coming fast. “Condom.”

“Why? Did you—” She recoiled as if he’d slapped her. There was only one reason they’d need a condom. She knew she hadn’t been with anyone else. And she also knew he hadn’t had a chance to meet anyone outside the team. 

Her mind sorted through the possibilities. Skye. It must have been Skye. But that didn’t make sense since Skye had been so certain he was in love with her. Maybe the mission? He’d needed to maintain his cover and ended up — 

“No! ‘Course not.” Her gaze snapped to his face at the slightly panicked words. “No, I just meant...the Chitauri virus, you said —“

“Oh. Right. Of course.” She had almost forgotten about that once she was in his arms. Which was ridiculous. Who forgot they had been infected with an alien virus just because they were going to have sex? Relief flooded her. She bit her lip, not wanting to be apart for him long enough to retrieve a condom. “It might be okay…”

“Jemma! What do you mean it might be okay?” His face was flushed and his eyes searched her face. “You want...want to have a baby?” 

Oh, dear. That wasn’t what she had meant at all. She hadn’t actually considered it before — children were something abstract that she wanted in some sort of undefined future — but the picture in her mind of a blue-eyed baby and Fitz by her side was surprisingly appealing. They’d have to leave SHIELD of course, but as long as she had him, that would be alright. Being with him — in the lab, in the field, and together like this — had been the best part of this journey anyway. Before she went ahead and planned the rest of their future together, she forced herself to try to answer his question.

“The virus might not have impacted the efficacy of my birth control.” She rolled her hips, trying to encourage him. “It was just a thought since we don’t know how alien diseases interact with human biology.”

Fitz froze above her. “What? I don’t —“

“I _need_ you.” She interrupted him before he could say something reasonable. She didn’t think she could stop right now. Didn’t even want to try. She’d deal with the consequences of her decision, whatever they might be. 

He rolled off of her, reaching for his trousers. “Just a second. I have one…”

She groaned in frustration, watching as Fitz fumbled with his wallet before holding up a condom in triumph. 

“Been carrying this with me...just in case we ever needed it. I, ah, hadn’t anticipated an alien virus. I always thought it would be an antibiotic or a missed dose.” He gave her a crooked smile as he opened the package.

She smiled at how pleased he looked at his preparation and a wave of affection rolled over her. How had she ever thought this was just about sex? Everything about him, about them, was so much more than that. He made her feel things no one else ever had. Including the slight twinge of regret that there would definitely not be a baby right now. That was something she’d have to think more about later. 

But she loved him. She loved Fitz. And that was that. 

When he returned to the bed she pulled him into a kiss, hoping he would understand. Like he always understood her. 

He made no move to enter her, so she wrapped her legs around his hips as she deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to where she needed him. Shifting her hips until his cock nudged against her folds, she reached down to grab his arse, pulling him into her. 

She let out a long sigh of pleasure as her channel stretched around him. It had been too long since they’d been together like this. As they settled into a rhythm, the pleasure built steadily, fueled by memories of the past as well as hopes for the future. 

His hips thrust against her faster and faster and she closed her eyes as she let the friction between their bodies take over. 

Fitz reached for her hands, entwining their fingers and pushing them into the mattress on either side of her head. The new position was heavenly, hitting all the right spots, and her eyes flew open only to meet his staring down at her. His eyes were so blue and intense, and his gaze never wavered as he pounded into her, his desire finally overcoming his need to be gentle. 

Jemma felt that tingle of awareness that she had noticed before in moments like this. It felt like he was making love to her — gentle and tender until their combined desire became too much to hold back. But it was never just one of them taking pleasure, they always shared equally. And it made her feel loved. 

“Jemma...Jemma...Jemma.” He said her name like a mantra and she wanted to stay in that moment forever. 

“Fitz,” she gasped. “I’m going to —“ Her voice broke on a long moan as stars exploded in her vision. Fitz faltered for a second as her body tensed around him, then he found the rhythm again as her inner muscles pulsed and all the tension drained from her body.

She relaxed, her head falling onto the pillow, and just allowed herself to feel. Moments later, Fitz gave a strangled cry before collapsing on top of her.

She wrapped her arms more fully around him and he rolled to his side, taking her with him, as they held each other in the slightly charged silence. In this moment it felt like anything was possible.

His fingers stroked lazily along her arm, sending a pleasant tingle through her. She sighed deeply, happy and sated.

“I love you.”

They both froze at the words. Words that they had never said to each other before. 

This would change everything


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a surprise ‘I love you’ Fitz tried to clear the air between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after that cliffhanger this fic really needed some resolution. Hopefully this is a more satisfying ending. This chapter picks up from Fitz’s POV.
> 
> I’m thinking one more fic in this series. We need some motel pool knee touching :)
> 
> All the love to @blancasplayground for being amazing (as always) ❤️❤️❤️

Fitz closed his eyes, trying to hold the real world at bay for just a second longer. If he didn’t acknowledge that it happened maybe he could keep the feeling of absolute happiness he’d felt a second ago.

Love.

Of course it was love. There wasn’t anything else it could be. Not with the way his heart beat faster when he was with her and how nothing was ever as good as when they were together. 

He pushed out a breath, finally remembering that he needed to breathe. Jemma was still frozen beside him and it was her silence that worried him most of all. She hadn’t dismissed his words or even chosen to ignore them. She was waiting. Waiting for him to say something else. And she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t be able to resist babbling if given half the chance.

“I mean, I--I…” Fitz searched her face, looking for a hint, some clue to what she was thinking. But as he looked at her, his gaze caught her eyes and he suddenly felt calmer. He might ruin their relationship, but there was no way he could lie to her. “I love you.”

After so long, he felt a sense of relief to finally say the words out loud. No matter what happened next, she would know how he felt. There would be no more pretending. No more going on dates with other people to hide his feelings. No more falling into bed together without knowing what it meant.

Jemma didn’t say anything and he started to think he’d severely miscalculated. He could survive losing the physical part of their relationship. As long as they were still friends, that was what mattered. But then her hand came up to his cheek in the gentlest touch. Her fingers skimmed across his jaw and at her touch a shiver snaked down his spine.

“Fitz, you’ve always been my best friend --”

“Yeah. No, I know.” Disappointment shot through him and he moved to untangle his legs from hers. “Friends.”

“Best friends.” She emphasized the words and he felt his world crumbling a little bit. “But --”

“Best friends. Yeah. ‘Course.”

And then her lips were on his again and her body pressed tightly against his. He had almost forgotten they were still naked, so caught off guard by his mouth working faster than his brain. At least she knew how he felt now. Knew and didn’t seem to care that he’d mucked everything up and fallen in love. He returned the kiss with every bit of passion he had, letting his hands wander over her. After so many years together he knew her body almost as well as his own, so it didn’t take him very long to have her panting and moaning in his ear.

Even with everything he’d accomplished in his life, he was pretty sure that making her feel this way was one of his greatest achievements. He circled his thumb around her clit and she tightened her grip on his shoulders, pushing her hips towards him. As much as he wanted to sink inside her again and feel her heat surrounding him one last time, this was just for her. His way of saying goodbye. Not to her, but to this.

He wanted to make her come. It wasn’t a challenge at this point. Not like it had been that first time they were together. They both knew he was more than capable of it. 

“Fitz...please.” Her voice was low and her head was thrown back, her hips bucking against his fingers. 

He moved his hand faster, rubbing her clit while he plunged his fingers inside her. When he felt her start to tremble he pressed his lips to hers again, swallowing her cries. Her body finally stilled beside him and he continued to trace soothing circles on her back, too nervous to stop himself. 

He’d been hoping she’d address the elephant in the room, somehow putting his fears to rest. But instead she started pressing kisses across his jaw and down his neck, lingering on the sensitive spot. It wasn’t quite fair.

“Jemma…” He couldn’t believe the words his brain was going to make him say next, but he couldn’t keep doing this. “Jemma, you have to stop.”

“What? What’s wrong?” Confusion passed over her face and for a moment it was almost comical. But he managed to extricate himself and move away slightly. 

“I can’t...I can’t do this.”

He gestured between them as if that somehow explained everything he felt in that moment. The overpowering urge to love her, the sadness that she didn’t feel the same way, the way he wanted her beyond anything he could have imagined.

“This? But I thought --”

“I _love_ you, Jemma. And you don’t.”

“I don’t?”

“You said we were best friends, and let’s be honest, best friends don’t do this. I want to keep being your best friend and I thought I could...could keep everything hidden, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of pretending. I can’t pretend that I’m not in love with you as long as we’re together like this.”

Jemma’s face cleared and he could tell she had made a decision about something. Hopefully it meant she would leave him alone with his memories. He meant it. He could be friends with her. Wanted to be friends with her forever. But he couldn’t give her his heart if she didn’t want it. It would destroy them. Maybe with some time and space that would change. Because his feelings never would.

“Then why don’t you stop pretending?”

“Jemma? What do you -- I mean…” What _did_ he mean? That hope blooming in his chest threatened to make him throw caution to the wind.

“You love me.” He nodded at her statement. He’d already said that. “And I, well, I love you. I told myself I shouldn’t because it would ruin our friendship, but Skye made me see that not only was it entirely too late because just being friends with you is something I couldn’t really do at this point, but that maybe you felt the same way too. And that it was worth the risk to find out.”

He couldn’t have stopped the smile that was spreading over his face even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to. Jemma loved him. He reached for her again and she met him, her lips meeting his in a kiss full of promise and hope.

His hand settled on her hip and he pulled her closer. Everything felt right, in a way that it hadn’t in a long time.

Jemma pulled away from the kiss and rested her forehead against his, looking into his eyes. 

“I love you, Fitz. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was scared. Scared of losing you.”

“You don’t have to worry about losing me. I would never leave you.” A cloud passed over his thoughts. They were in the field now. They had almost lost each other already. “Not on purpose anyway.”

Then he added more quietly, “I love you, Jemma.”

They’d have to talk more about what this meant for them. For their future. But for now he was content just to hold her close.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for leaving it there. But this isn’t the end. I think there will be one or two more fics in this verse. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
